Have you ever thought ‘you’re not as bad as I heard you were’ or walked into a room and felt you were being judged when you were meeting some people for the first time? Well, it would appear that I am not alone in my thinking or experiences.
I recently read an article where the author was recounting the story of how she couldn’t understand why new members of her team who had been so open and engaging at their interview, suddenly became wary and distant with her after joining. Team meetings were uncomfortable, even verging on hostile, and communications, transactional and direct. She had spent many hours privately wracking her brains as to what she may have done to make them feel so uncomfortable but couldn’t think of anything she was doing differently with this team from any other team she had led. It was only after a passing comment during one of the team’s one-to-one sessions did she get the opportunity to delve a little deeper, only for the colleague to reveal they had been ‘warned’ about her ‘two-faced behaviour’ shortly after joining by a senior and long-standing team member. Apart from feeling hurt at being labelled in this way, she couldn’t understand why they had chosen to believe another’s view rather than forming their own.
Opinion formations are complex processes that are deeply rooted in the realm of psychology – and something that I am ill equipped to explain, but I do know that our past experiences create a framework through which we perceive the world. It is this framework that in turn influences how we interpret new information and form new opinions. Add into the mix the crucial role that social influences play in this process, known as social proof, and it is easy to comprehend how if a person sees that a majority of their colleagues hold a particular opinion, they may be more inclined to adopt it themselves.
When a colleague finds it increasingly difficult to have their voice heard or feels like they are not being listened to even when they do, they are likely to disengage
Couple this with the seismic shift we’ve seen in recent years in how we acquire information. Instead of having to search out what was happening in the world through your daily dose of news, we are now informed almost instantaneously through social media alerts. You can then begin to understand just how there is much more potential for individuals to be forming opinions from limited sources.
If we put aside for a moment the emotional impact this practice has on the individual, the most obvious other danger is what if the opinion being shared is incorrect. When a colleague finds it increasingly difficult to have their voice heard or feels like they are not being listened to even when they do, they are likely to disengage. Their productivity suffers and the quality of the work they produce falls. They become more prone to absence as they begin to check-out, and eventually they leave – sometimes voluntarily but sometimes as the result of a costly, lengthy and time-consuming HR process.
The sad thing is that left unchecked, this practice can all to quickly become systemic in an organisation and contribute to creating a toxic culture. You may think that’s all a little dramatic but what the article went on to say was how it had led to the author reflecting on their own position after a conversation with her own HR department. After some discussion, she acknowledged that she too had sometimes shared her views on others a little too freely – sometimes publicly and not always positively. And so the article ended with her starting a search for some fresh ideas on how to transform the team culture and ensure that her behaviour wasn’t part of the problem.
I can hear the shouts of ‘she needs to create a psychologically safe environment’ from here. Training sources will often suggest what psychological safety is, some may even offer some top tips on how to create it, like communicating with empathy, but if like the author, you are looking for a fresh approach to not only building it but to sustain it, you could do worse than to look to introduce some ancient thinking in a new way, and embrace the ancient Yama practices of:
- Trustfulness – refraining from telling lies and speaking with kindness, compassion and clarity.
- Non stealing – stealing is not just about tangible objects. In the workplace time stealing, possibly by cutting corners in your own work, idea stealing and recognition stealing, are sadly common practice. To promote a culture of ‘non stealing’ in a team, giving needs to become the focus – giving each other their time, giving their knowledge, giving their attention and giving their trust.
- Non harming – harmonious relationships cannot happen where there is harm being inflicted. Sounds obvious, but to promote an environment of being kind, accepting and forgiving, we need to learn how to excuse the mistakes of both ourselves and our colleagues. Easier said than done when everyone is up against it as a deadline looms large and a critical step is missed!
In my experience, when presented with the Yamas for the first time, most think they are achieving them already. However, many find that maybe it isn’t as easy as they first thought, and some gentle reminders may be needed to help adopt them fully so that they become part of their daily practice. After a while, as the culture in the team begins to change, you may like to consider introducing another:
- Non possessiveness – this focuses on the idea that ‘all things in the world are yours to use but not to own’. It says that we should make good use of the things that come to us but not to become dependent on them or let them take power over us. In a team, colleagues will need to ensure they remain open and should not attempt to take tight control over any of their opinions or actions – or micromanage things or people, as it commonly presents. They will need to refrain from attempting to increase their own self-esteem through someone else’s approval. Ultimately, this helps individuals to learn to build their self-esteem from their own actions rather than from an external source. Granted that this one is a little harder to comprehend and therefore, it can take longer to adopt.
We often think that a solution can only be found in something shiny and new. However, many new ideas are in fact old ones packaged in a new way. Not that I dislike the shiny and new, but I think there is much to be learned from the old. And for me, my current mission is how to bring many more of these ancient practices into the corporate world. Wish me luck!
